Letter to Santa

Dear santa,
It's going to chirstmas. But im not really looking forward and happy for. There's some reason, reason that no one could understand or even try to understand me :/

Once a bad guy, always a bad guy. This is what they(family) think of me. They dont really fond of me.
Proverb had says, everyone deserve a second chance. Why cant i? They dont even give me the chance and time. I just need a little bit more of time, but in a short period, i cant make myself change, they'll determine i'm the naughty ones. So i've done with it, use to it, and that is it. Keep being the mean-ness for them. :(

Dear Santa,
If you're real, i just wish to want a happiness life. You see,i cant even manage my own relation to be smooth in all the way, all i did was to mess things up and All i did was often followed my emotional to works things out, and it get worsen. My EQ is totally 0. Such an emotional freak loser. I dont want to be this way :'( i dont want quarrels in my relationship :'/ but my emotional is overpower me :(
can you just grant a little luck with happiness for me?and please take away the emo sensation from me. it will be very delight. thankyou santa.

P/s : random thought of my nagging.
IGNORE ONCE !

I want have a celebration of x'mas with her. Hopefully there's a time for us.
I ♥ her THIS much.

RELIVE ♥

Hello, blog been dead for months . relive it now. :)
wonder still does anyone read my blog.


Well, recently in love with a new song, “那些年”
Listen to it.  A song that remind every past you've been.

This song come with a  movie " you are the apple of my eyes"
the storyline really touching. It trigger my memory from secondary school.
I bet everyone see this movie will have the same thought same memory too.
how you did silly in class, skipping class, bully weak.
when the 1st time u inlove with a girl, and the memory of your 1st love in school.
Well, i miss my school life real much. Now, im just being jobless, studyless, lifeless.


Anyhow, im okay with it, because i have my own apple of my eyes now. x)
Although we keep quarrel from the beginning we been together, although we both cant even tolerate each other sometimes, although i have so much complaint with, although we both get jealous easily, all i want my apple to know is i will always appreciate & love her.  this apple is the nice-iest i ever got. cause she can endure my bad temper and attitude. thanks god, that the best gift i ever had . please make her stay forever .

♥♥♥

♥♥♥

A post

You may not be her first, her last, or her only.

She loved before she may love again.

But if she loves you now, what else matter?

She's not perfect - you aren't either, 

and the two of you may never be perfect together 

but if she can make you laugh, caused you to think twice before you act,

and made you admit making mistakes and to being a human,

hold onto her and give her the most you can.

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day,

but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart.

So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give.

Smiles when she makes you happy,

let her know when she makes you mad, 

miss her when she's not there,

AND appreciate her, if you already have this kind of girl.

-To all lovers-

♥

I never grown up

Vannez chuah, stop acting this way, how many person really can stand for it? How long they really can accept for this? Try to be grown up man! If u can't change urself, then change ur attitude.

U treat ur family so shit, and now even the person u love, why don't u understand they just want u to be good and not get hate by others. U look like a man but u're not the man if keep on this attitude , just a silly boyish bitch that ppl hatred. :'((

I'm sorry I'm sorry to those ppl I hurt, I insult, I torture. I shouldn't be so mean. I'm not a hooligan, sorry tho. I'll try to be nice .

And I'm so sorry for my love one, baby hard time for u dy :/ thanks for ur patient.

Nightmare

I so freaking scared, what a worst nitemaree. I'm thinking if is real 'it' enter my dream? It feel so real.

( I cnt really remember vividly but somehow that part I remember )
The story is like this :

I , sis , mom and dad was on a vacation to a place. It happen in a hotel. I remember that hotel was so beautiful, totally a paradise. there's swimming pool, garden, mini bar, etc watever shit lar.

Back to the main point, and I and dad was going to the pool , somehow I felt something weird, someone is following, when I look around there's nothing.

I turn to front intend to tell my dad, it like something drag me further away from him, all i see like mist around. I shouted at him "Wei! Slow down! Wait for me" but he was like can't heard my shout. I ran towards him as fast I could and grab him, that time I realized it just a short distance frm me to him. That weird.

Back to the hotel room, me, sis and mom sleep in a same bed. Mom sleep at middle. She sleep more close to sis, and there's left kinda big space for me, can still have another person squeeze beside.

From that moment, I felt some existence bside me, all I know is close my damn eyes tight and stay under the blanket and try eat some space off. I once heard old folks said don't left space on ur bed, it like giving the things sleeping bside u. But I don't have the guts to do so, I stick even more close to mom, and there leave a big space.

This time I felt my body shiver ( in a reality I do really shiver)
I keep mumble to myself and keep chant for god and Buddhist scripture. I tot tat like tat 'it' would be afraid and leave me alone, but who knows it worst.

"it" start bugging me with weird whisper, touching my hair and hand. So I pray even more hard as well, and "woosh" the thing scratch my leg, 3 line ! I freak out I wake mom and tell her, she freak out too. She try to help me and we start chanting for god more hard. But there's useless. The chanting provoke 'it' , the thing start scratch more on my leg. I just can look at my leg bleeding and scratches getting more and more. So helpless, mom still praying , I cried so hard.

"what do u want from me?!" I yelled. I'm regret that I asked this stupid question, cause it changed to a vivid form. I can see HER in a human shape. She scratch a name on my hand " JINO LOO" I duno who's the fucking ppl is. I asked " I duno who is it, and I'm not the person, why are u do this to me?!"

She strangle my neck so damn hard and look at me, her face freaking vicious. Eyes in red. Walaoooo, I wont forget this ferocious face. And she said " is u! Is u! The accident crash. So u have to go with meeeeeee! " she pulled me hard. I struggled.

Successly Struggle out, and tell her okay I go with you but u have to let me settle mine. She allowed. Actually I tricked her. Somehow duno where came out a girl, she ask me to go "go, quickly go! Run as far as u can. Go down and shut the lift quickly. I be scapegoat for u. " the lift shut. And I was like finally I can wake.

-end-

Actually I freak out and wonder is it if I follow her go or that girl dint came for the rescue, and I won't able to wake up?? Just like that movie insidious? 
Plus now is the Chinese ghost month day. That the reason why I talk nonsense.

Till now I still chilling.
What a nitemare.
I better go for a pray. It still in my mind.

Blog rotten

My blog dead for a month -.- coz i duno what to update.
No spcial story recently, busy with my last semester of my college life. :/ i'll miss it real much. But i wont be graduate for this year due to am still holding some of my paper. so if im gonna clear my paper, then will be next year i'll have my Diploma in Accounting cert. Lolll.

After that, planning to S'pore for job, follow my cous' step. Still hesitating. hmmm.
I still cant make a clear decision which road i've to choose. =(
" mom, can i forever be young?" dang it.

Currently in a relationship. Lolll. -.-
and currently i lost my Hazel j20 but i gain an IPOD touch 4g :D is my birthday gift from mom. heee.
MOM, FINALLY U BOUGHT SOMETHING USEFUL TO ME AND VALUABLE.
wow. it was like FINALLY man !

that all..
hasta la vista !

Prom Queen And Kings.

My college held a prom event . I dont know whether those other college have this kind of event too.
Other country definitely have just like i always use to watch in the movie. haha.


So, these were my coll Prom Queen & King.
There have 8pairs candidates male and female, but i just manage took some of them only T_T

1st candidates : Mei Jun
I look like ang mo. xDD

2nd candidates : Roxanne

3rd candidates : Joo Ling

She get to chosen in finalist.

4th Candidates : Fennie Oh

5th candidates: Lyjoo

I love our smile xD

6th candidates: Bearbear ;)
she great in dance.

7th Candidates: Andrea Kok

Fyi, she's Tall and Thin. Woootzzz.!

8th candidates: Catryn Tan

That all for female category. ahaaa.. 

for male category i lazyy uploads ahaaa, coz i've no interesting in male, paiseh har xD

 muahahahaaaa, am surrounded by pretty girls. Syokness in my life x)

Girl girl girl, i need a girl --- by Taeyang. ;)

Ohyea, i forget still have one more pretty girl. 

She have sweet smile. ;)

tadaaa** Eewa How, Student Welfare Committee,

so some of the Prom thingy she in-charge with. 

Ahhh, lastly, an important girl......

Guesss who...

hoho..


Amanda Yeap. :) ♥

Pokémon ♥

Recently super damn addicted to Pokemon, err, not recently actually, just that when i grow older, im not that insane with Pokemon. Is my childhood memory since i was standard 3. Lol, wow... almost 11 years man ! xD oh gosh ..  how a huge fans i am. i have those collection cards but i gave all awaayyy =(

Re-watching Pokemon Indigo League. (Season 1) 

the very 1st poke movieeee. x)

Ash Ketchum 

and my favourite pokemon. Who's that pokemon?

Is Pikachuuuuu x) "pika pika-pi"

bulbasaur

charmender, charmeleon and charizard !

squirtle

butterfreee

pidgeotto

Vulpix

awww, togepiiii. ♥

That're all pokemon i loveeeeee ;)

Indigo league, The greatest and most powerful Pokemon are these :

 

mewtwo and mew.

I'll never ever forget this :

TEAM ROCKET

hahaahhaaa... x)) here's their motto when they start attack :

Prepare for trouble!
Make it double!
To protect the world from devastation!
To unite all peoples within our nation!
To denounce the evils of truth and love!
To extend our reach to the stars above!
Jessie!
James!
Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!
Surrender now, or prepare to fight!
Meowth!
That's right!

That's all of POKEMON.
goodnight to all Poke's Loverrrr. 
toodles. ;)

:(

hmm..sorry readers. Feeling down again.
i need place to abreact. I think here's the only place?
I couldnt just tell anyone.
yet, i dont hope to let someone read about this.
But i dont think is possible.


so confuse, mind is messing up. real mess.
hard to explain words by words.
hard to express how i feel.


looking at all those pics, those are memory.
everyone does have memory, good or bad is still a memory of "us" too.
It built up from time to time.
And i'm just a short time which appear and interrupt in and screwed up yours memory.
Am i wrong?
Am i ruin everything of urs?
Am i the person u really need?


u've a perfect family, u've a perfect life and u're perfect to me.
i'm just a girl. that is the most part i hated myself for.
should i walked away from you?
should i disappear from ur sight?
ask me why...do i think of it...
because
I like you, and i love you.
that only way prevent me from losing you.


p/s: this post is just my feeling , dont take it serious. ignore it will do. thanks.


"RT @ThisDamnQuote 

  

The only things we have left of us are memories."

can i request u to say this word to him?

im must be outta my mind. :/

Outing.

Hello, i realized that my blog is being so doom and emo. -.-
all those farking miserable post. tsk tsk* bet you guys feel emo on behalf me ;p


okay, no more emo post xD
here's my outing post.
i dont really like to write much, so let have some picture to look :)


I went for hiking. Pantai Keracut, Penang .
it took us 1.5hour, 3KM to reach the beach.
u can imagine how tough and far is it. :/



This is our entrance. Say cheeeese*
morning 8.30am start.

i like that kido with a "peace" hand sign beside me :p 
FYI, she the shortest among us. x) and she join us for hiking LOL.
i wonder short leg have any burden in hiking? xD



Starting point*



walk walk stop stop and snap , put ur hand in the air** xD



imma so rude. oOo xD


Finally we reach the beach. took some pics again. x)






well well, imma so cool wey x) agree? bahaha. joking*


hey guys, im a monkey xD



Here's the BEACH, the " Bitch " xD



imma so enjoyable ..heheee.. LOVE ma live. x)


that all readers. thanks for visiting.
and please leave a message after u're visiting x)
and remember visit my Tumblr too, i had wrote about "Insidious" x)
vannycsw.tumblr.com

Dilemma

something had confuse my mind
i dont know how to express it.
it just way too complicated.


i meet some situation that i dont know how to handle.
i fall for a person that i shouldnt be fall with.
i become the position that i mustn't be in her's heart.
and become a destroyer in her relation.


i dont like you at the 1st place and 1st sight, 
im sooooo dislike you and damn "law" you before i knew you, 
and the most important is that i know that you're not available !
so i never tot anything with it.


But now what the heck is going wrong with me?
everything just happen too fast till i unable to catch it.
And when i realize, i just knew i like you lot. THIS LOT !
I shouldnt.... I fucking shouldnt.. !
Im so serious in fucking trouble . 


I'm so dilemma now, tell me what shud i do?
hmm...
i should pull myself away from you and smile.
Tell you that i'll be fine...no worry my princess.
that is wat i suppose to do.
Dont ever feel sorry. is ain't anyone fault...
Leave it, and left those word that unspoken. :')


2nd dilemma, is the same problem,
i'm not a guy, i'm so not a man nor boy.
i cant give you any forever promise.
eventually u'll be choosing a guy.


Real fuck it ! why should  i have to be a girl ?!
why on earth this things couldnt be acceptable by society hmm?
Do you anyone understand my feelings? and those pressure i should bear?


sorry..

Rotten. Update. Langkawi.

Hey guys. so sorry i kept my blog dead for so long.
Was in a depression mode that period.
and i'm okay for now :)

Well,there's nothing much (actually do have much things but i cant describe it :p)
Healing my wound recently and went to Langkawi for Vacation x)
Niice huh? haha.
I bought alot of stuff, chocs and alcohol bacck.
well, i was goin to post my trip story, but i'm lazyy to :p
soorryy xD

If u guys wana know how Langkawi looks like, try going there x)
is more better then looking the picture. hahaa..
is really a great place.
Main activities are EAGLE watching. There's lot of lot of eagle.
and wow ! that my first time to watching these eagle hunt down for meat at the swamp x)
Next will be fish feding and snorkeling. That all the best part. x)

By the way. don't ever forget their food there.
various and delicious x)
before back home. Don't ever forget buy chocs and wine back !!
WHY?

Because is " DUTY TAX FREE "
buahaha x)


That all. Toodles.
Thanks to readers x)

Past. 2009 / 2010

This is my past, a year past, can be consider as two years.

from beginning of 2009 i knew her this girl.

i wrote my past down cause i dun wanna forget, as time pass, memory do fade too :(

i knew her from Friendster, for the first time i saw her, her name just caught my attention. VANESSA.

and my real name is vannessa too, just..i had double 'n' with it. 

Later on, i just occasionally aiming off some of her picture, 

and one of her picture caught my attention again, 

that 'smile' , i like that smile, it makes me smile everytime i saw that picture.

after on i just knew she lives same place with me. Lol, what a coincidence. 
sometimes is just a fate i think?

i dint really talk to her somehow, cause that time i'm not available,so i wont have any interest with other. Lol.

By the time pass, i was shock when my gf told me Vanessa was same school with her. 

Then it makes me quite interest in her things. heh. I started to ask her details in frienster, 

and sometimes we had chit-chat in MSN. 

(tell you a secret, i still keep her MSN chat history) 

By time passed, we began quite close with each other. I remember that time she went for Korea language lessons, she asked me do i wan to learn too, or interest in that language. 

Actually i not really like korean language or any interest with it, i like Japanese more. Lol, 

but just too have more topic with her and to see her, i told her i like, and ask her if she could teach me,

and she agreed :) Soon, we meet up at temple which opposite her school, and she teaches me there, and there turned out the place we used to hang out when she wait time for her school activities. 

And i began to have interest in Korean language too. heh.

Within the period of 2009, i've hurt her, somehow there's complicated. i know she still remember. 

Till end of 2009 dec, we've been together for 438days. We had a really great time, 

and i know she had loved me for this much and there's not anymore. 

But I love her that much for 438days and is still continuing. 

2011, i have to let her go.  Memory of 438days, isnt easy for me to forget,my dear.

Feelings do fade and change. But memory stays as long as it could till a new one to replace it.

Things just change, she has change. We can't force someone to love us. 

No matter how many times we try in many different ways, if they don't love us, they won't.


i missed her.
i  missed you . Do you hear me?

給我一個理由忘記

recently addicted to this song. it comfort me lot.

"Give me a reason to forget, give me a reason to let you go."

you dont understand, you can let it go just like that. Why?

do you love me? do you still love me? all i can just keep asking this. It annoying. ;'(

is quite long we had been together dear, dont you feel pity that we just end this way?

What wrong actually? hmm.. what wrong that our relation had to came to this cold?

How do you feel to see me cry and tears for you?

do you feel sad for me?

i HATE myself to love you THIS MUCH.

i really wish to forget you, gone from your life. but i cant make it, FML !

why ? whyyyyyy and why??? it annoying, i'm annoying. i'm SORRY ! i just cant figure it out.

is it we lack of hang out, lack of time to be together? that the problem turn out to happen this?

just give me a reason can you? at least give me a reasonable reason to comfort me, can you?

There's alot of 'I DONT KNOW' in your mind. you confused, this ur 1st time in a long relation. you dont know why you become like that too, you dint expect to be with a person that long, i know, i understand.

i'm sorry to push you that hard, i'm really sorry if i had make you tired. and i'm sorry i need a reason too.

and i'm sorry i still have to love you. and sorry i couldnt let you go. sorry..

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;(

I can still remember so clearly our moment before.

i miss it like so seriouly. :'( i miss the old us, that we used to hang out in library,

i miss to study with you , miss to go movie with you and ur sis c:

miss that we use to hang out at my house when ur rumah sukan, heh. c; sometime we'll go prangin to buy things, and more often we went to temple chit-chat.

i'm so like to poke ur tummy, and you so like to hit my chest, heh.

dear, i really miss you.

im sorry, i should try to control myself not to miss you anymore.

you are not her anymore, sometimes i really wish we shouldnt get met up

from the begining, if i dint ask kinn for ur number, we wont turn up to be like this.

or if i dint agree to be tgt, we might be a best friend somehow, or something more than a best friend.

at least like that i can hang out with you.

sorry dear. so sorry, i never blame you.

short update ?

err, is a real short update x____x
how short? i don't know, cause someone, a friend is rushing me to update my bloggie,
but............. i dont know what to writeeeeeeee ;s
sorry readers , x)

oh yea, my previous post said i'm gona put a picture of my romantic house.
teehee.
                              uploading.....
                                         loadingg.......
                                                  loadingggg........................100%

taaadaaaa*

LOL, how does it feeels? LOL, i'm not a rich guy, is small i knowwwwwwwwww X___X

there's my organ, my rocking chair, tv, air-con, sofa, balcony ...etc LOL

is it romanticcccc? -.- 

zzzzz.. ;p

thats all,

toodles then yeaaa x) 

CNY 2011

this year chinese new year was the best year ever.
i get to go visit friends house, honestly this was my 1st time ever enjoy CNY feel
unlike years and years the same place, grandma house, relatives house. Boringggg...

here we are ;)

1st stop, Tami house

kachak* (camera sound) lol

 say cheesee*

from left girls : peimei, yunna, tami, Elise, me, grace

from left boys: zongrun, sam, edward, steve, KC ;)

okayy, we gambling.. all look serioussss

$$$$$$$$$$

there, we won cash ! kachin*

haha,the big face infront camera is Grace Chong, the model. LOL*

2nd stop, Tami's mom work placee -- secondary school

waiting for break timeee, see any lengluis not ;p

infront this is scene is our lenglui yunnna (越南妹)

ahahaha.

Ringgggg..........* here comes the bell

their recess timee x) look behind the scene, i dont saw any lengluis, lol

all kidoos, aint my type ;p but honestly there's one attract me. huhu*

we're still sitting there, all student look at us as weirdo, i heard a lil' boy says 

we are graduate student from this school and come back..LOL, we're not.

while we chit chating before recess,

here comes the vice headmaster, u know what.....

he ask me go to causeling room, ahaha, 

he point one by one said this one nonid, this one good nonid, that one nonid

when point at me, he said, must be causel, bad student, LOL

make me shy shy.

3rd stop, KC's houseeee.

are we look alike like family pic? 

my husband, me and my son. LOL

as if one day i will have my own family, and i want a baby boy ;)

4th stop, grace's house.

hehe, we continueee the gambling weyy, i won some money,

about rm10++ , we use rm1 for every bet. not bad for me x)

 after that we went to E.T restaurant for steamboat, too bad i dint snap any pics.


5th stop, my house..x)
is the 1st time i invite frens to my house pay a new year call. real fun.
mom had prepare lots of fruit for them,haha. while they enjoy eating,
i played two song for them
'my valentine' and 'kiss the rain' LOL, so romantic and enjoying huh.
they said my house too romantic and with my piano if i played for my gf at this night,
she sure will love die me. lol, my gf aint a romantic LIKE person..haha
they also said my house is suitable for couples to pak tor there xD LOL
so if any couple wana have a nice place to dinner and listen piano melody,
u can come my house xD,
 i do it free for you~ lol

btw p/s:
my house only romantic at night, why?
i'll take pics of my house day and night for another post,
then you'll see the different x) hehe. wait for it yaa ;)

Last stop, yunna house. too bad we dint took any pics. ;/
we continuee gamnbling untill 2am morning and we return homee.
what a day. ;) fully occupied. COOL .

thats all toodles then ;)
miss ya.