Monday, March 14, 2011

Past. 2009 / 2010

This is my past, a year past, can be consider as two years.
from beginning of 2009 i knew her this girl.
i wrote my past down cause i dun wanna forget, as time pass, memory do fade too :(

i knew her from Friendster, for the first time i saw her, her name just caught my attention. VANESSA.
and my real name is vannessa too, just..i had double 'n' with it. 
Later on, i just occasionally aiming off some of her picture, 
and one of her picture caught my attention again, 
that 'smile' , i like that smile, it makes me smile everytime i saw that picture.
after on i just knew she lives same place with me. Lol, what a coincidence. 
sometimes is just a fate i think?

i dint really talk to her somehow, cause that time i'm not available,so i wont have any interest with other. Lol.
By the time pass, i was shock when my gf told me Vanessa was same school with her. 
Then it makes me quite interest in her things. heh. I started to ask her details in frienster, 
and sometimes we had chit-chat in MSN. 
(tell you a secret, i still keep her MSN chat history) 

By time passed, we began quite close with each other. I remember that time she went for Korea language lessons, she asked me do i wan to learn too, or interest in that language. 
Actually i not really like korean language or any interest with it, i like Japanese more. Lol, 
but just too have more topic with her and to see her, i told her i like, and ask her if she could teach me,
and she agreed :) Soon, we meet up at temple which opposite her school, and she teaches me there, and there turned out the place we used to hang out when she wait time for her school activities. 
And i began to have interest in Korean language too. heh.

Within the period of 2009, i've hurt her, somehow there's complicated. i know she still remember. 
Till end of 2009 dec, we've been together for 438days. We had a really great time, 
and i know she had loved me for this much and there's not anymore. 
But I love her that much for 438days and is still continuing. 
2011, i have to let her go.  Memory of 438days, isnt easy for me to forget,my dear.

Feelings do fade and change. But memory stays as long as it could till a new one to replace it.

Things just change, she has change. We can't force someone to love us. 
No matter how many times we try in many different ways, if they don't love us, they won't.

i missed her.
i  missed you . Do you hear me?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


recently addicted to this song. it comfort me lot.
"Give me a reason to forget, give me a reason to let you go."

you dont understand, you can let it go just like that. Why?
do you love me? do you still love me? all i can just keep asking this. It annoying. ;'(
is quite long we had been together dear, dont you feel pity that we just end this way?
What wrong actually? hmm.. what wrong that our relation had to came to this cold?
How do you feel to see me cry and tears for you?
do you feel sad for me?

i HATE myself to love you THIS MUCH.
i really wish to forget you, gone from your life. but i cant make it, FML !
why ? whyyyyyy and why??? it annoying, i'm annoying. i'm SORRY ! i just cant figure it out.
is it we lack of hang out, lack of time to be together? that the problem turn out to happen this?
just give me a reason can you? at least give me a reasonable reason to comfort me, can you?

There's alot of 'I DONT KNOW' in your mind. you confused, this ur 1st time in a long relation. you dont know why you become like that too, you dint expect to be with a person that long, i know, i understand.
i'm sorry to push you that hard, i'm really sorry if i had make you tired. and i'm sorry i need a reason too.
and i'm sorry i still have to love you. and sorry i couldnt let you go. sorry..
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;(

I can still remember so clearly our moment before.
i miss it like so seriouly. :'( i miss the old us, that we used to hang out in library,
i miss to study with you , miss to go movie with you and ur sis c:
miss that we use to hang out at my house when ur rumah sukan, heh. c; sometime we'll go prangin to buy things, and more often we went to temple chit-chat.
i'm so like to poke ur tummy, and you so like to hit my chest, heh.
dear, i really miss you.

im sorry, i should try to control myself not to miss you anymore.
you are not her anymore, sometimes i really wish we shouldnt get met up
from the begining, if i dint ask kinn for ur number, we wont turn up to be like this.
or if i dint agree to be tgt, we might be a best friend somehow, or something more than a best friend.
at least like that i can hang out with you.

sorry dear. so sorry, i never blame you.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

short update ?

err, is a real short update x____x
how short? i don't know, cause someone, a friend is rushing me to update my bloggie,
but............. i dont know what to writeeeeeeee ;s
sorry readers , x)

oh yea, my previous post said i'm gona put a picture of my romantic house.


LOL, how does it feeels? LOL, i'm not a rich guy, is small i knowwwwwwwwww X___X
there's my organ, my rocking chair, tv, air-con, sofa, balcony ...etc LOL
is it romanticcccc? -.- 
zzzzz.. ;p

thats all,
toodles then yeaaa x)